Date: June 16, 590 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: devastated Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap. Holy crap. There have been some bad times since I joined up with Melkor, but nothing to prepare me for this. This is without a doubt the worst day of my entire life. I have no idea whatContinue reading “#59: This Is the Worst Day of My Entire Life”
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#58: Time to Defeat the Valar Once and for All!
Date: March 25, 582 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: reticent It’s my birthday. Yes, I have a birthday, remember? If I can make an entire planet, I can have a frikkin’ birthday. Anyway, I was minding my own business, baking a delicious cake out of milled flour, honey, yeast, nutmeg, and the blood of slain MannishContinue reading “#58: Time to Defeat the Valar Once and for All!”
#57: Three Idiots, One Day
Date: October 19, 510 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: pondering Had three very strange encounters today. I’ve been living in out in Eriador in the East. I said “living,” not “hiding.” It would only be “hiding” if I cared if Melkor knew where I am, which I don’t. Anyway, Eriador is almost entirely forested. ThereContinue reading “#57: Three Idiots, One Day”
#56: That’s It, I QUIT!
Date: June 12, 466 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: lugubrious That’s it, I quit. I’m done. No more. I am not spending another aeon of my precious immortal existence serving that mouth-breathing moron, Melkor. Fuck him. Fuck him right in the ass. After that filthy, faithless, sniveling turd of a canine Huan drove me outContinue reading “#56: That’s It, I QUIT!”
#55: Huan Is The Biggest Asshole In The World
Date: October 31, 465 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: confounded I am really tired of getting my SHIT all FUCKED UP! I don’t have Tol-in-Gaurhoth anymore. Nope. My beautiful island tower, gone. And guess whose fault it is? Melkor? Good guess, but this time, no. Manwë? In a sense — everything is the Dickless Prick’s fault. ButContinue reading “#55: Huan Is The Biggest Asshole In The World”
#54: Elf-King Tastes Like Chicken
Date: June 16, 465 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: amused So I was sitting in the tower of Tol-in-Gaurhoth, working on my novel. Didn’t I tell you about it? It’s a romance, about a vampire and a teenage girl. So I had just gotten to the part where the vampire (which is, of course, aContinue reading “#54: Elf-King Tastes Like Chicken”
#53: Melkor Has Completely Lost His Mind
Date: March 12, 464 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: rankled Melkor has completely lost his mind. Look, I get it. He was trapped over in Aman, chained in the Halls of Mandos (real name Námo — did I ever tell you about Námo? Don’t get me started on Námo) for three ages, and was thenContinue reading “#53: Melkor Has Completely Lost His Mind”
#52: Why Can’t People Just Leave Me Alone?
Date: September 1, 460 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: annoyed I am trying to get some work done around Tol-in-Gaurhoth. For one thing, it was designed and decorated by the Noldoran Elves, so everywhere you look are carvings of those stupid magic trees that Melkor did us all the favor of destroying. Trees on theContinue reading “#52: Why Can’t People Just Leave Me Alone?”
#51: Rooting Out Elves Is Like Digging for Chiggers
Date: October 12, 458 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: exasperated I am getting really tired of Melkor and his fascination with these Elves. It’s not a fascination — it’s an obsession. It’s like he cares what these little animals think of him. Personally, my sole interest, apart from killing Thingol, is in the traitors, theContinue reading “#51: Rooting Out Elves Is Like Digging for Chiggers”
#50: I Have My Own Place Again
Date: April 23, 457 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: content Hooray! I have my own place again! You’ll remember that after I designed and constructed Utumno, I built my own (smaller, but better) fortress at Angband. After Melkor got his lame ass kidnapped by the Valar, the filthy traitors destroyed Utumno. That’s okay — itContinue reading “#50: I Have My Own Place Again”
