Date: June 12th, 456 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: triumphant The so-called Dagor Bragollach, or Battle of Sudden Flame, is over. I like to call it the “Battle of Thousands of Elves and Men Screaming I’m on Fire Oh It Hurts So Much.” And for once, it was a complete victory for our team. FirstContinue reading “#49: Melkor 1, Noldor 0”
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#48: The Battle of Sudden Flame is ON!!!
Date: December 28th, 455 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: stoked Despite my advice, Melkor has decided in his infinite wisdom to strike against the Elves and eradicate them once and for all. Not that I have any problem with eradicating the Elves, especially that asshole Thingol. And to be honest, it won’t be hard —Continue reading “#48: The Battle of Sudden Flame is ON!!!”
#47: The Race of Men is a HUGE Disappointment
Date: December 12th, 273 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: disappointed Well, I found Men. What a letdown. Seriously, I think Eru Ilúvatar has just given up trying, which is as good a reason as any to replace Him as High Lord and Master of All Creation, I think. Carcharoth located the Men out East inContinue reading “#47: The Race of Men is a HUGE Disappointment”
#46: I Hate Eagles
Date: April 15th, 1 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: in a snit So now it’s Eagles, is it? Remember that Elf we had chained to the face of Thangorodrim? Well, he’s gone. Left behind nothing but the shackle, his severed right hand, and the fresh smell of pine. It seems this Noldor called Fingon rescuedContinue reading “#46: I Hate Eagles”
#45: Why Does Everyone Care So Much About These Idiotic Rocks?
Date: April 2nd, 1 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: annoyed Well, Melkor and I have managed to spew enough smoke, vapors, filth and obtenebration out over the northern lands that we can move about freely during the day without worrying about that bitch Arien seeing what we’re doing, or burning us with her terrible light.Continue reading “#45: Why Does Everyone Care So Much About These Idiotic Rocks?”
#44: Melkor is Keeping Secrets from Me!
Date: March 25th, 1 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: betrayed Today is my birthday. And it’s ruined! Yeah yeah yeah, okay, how can I, Sauron Gorthaur, Chief of the Maiar, Master of Angband and Lord of Werewolves, who was made at the hand of Eru Ilúvatar in the Timeless Halls in the Days Before Days,Continue reading “#44: Melkor is Keeping Secrets from Me!”
#43: Ow, The Light! My Eyes! Again!!!
Date: January 1st, 1 F.A. (Years of the Sun)My Mood Is: excruciated Auuuugh! Just when you think those filthy, Elf-loving Valar traitors are out of your fur, they pull some ridiculous stunt! Last night I was overseeing the feeding and brushing of the Orc-spawn, weeding out and gobbling down the weak ones, when Carcharoth came yelping intoContinue reading “#43: Ow, The Light! My Eyes! Again!!!”
#42: We Kicked Thingol’s Ass!
Date: Before the Sun and Moon, but after the Count of Time beganMy Mood Is: vindicated Sorry I haven’t posted in so long, but we’ve been really busy, Melkor and I. Plus, with the world plunged back into darkness, there’s really no way to keep track of time. (I need to invent a way to do thatContinue reading “#42: We Kicked Thingol’s Ass!”
#41: Melkor is Back!
Date: Before the Sun and Moon, but after the Count of Time beganMy Mood Is: stunned Melkor is back! No, really! It turns out that noise was him! Apparently, after the war, the Valar traitors dragged Melkor back to Valinor and threw him in the Halls of Mandos, where they kept him imprisoned for three ages. Has itContinue reading “#41: Melkor is Back!”
#40: What the Heck Was That Noise?
Date: Before the Sun and Moon, but after the Count of Time beganMy Mood Is: bewildered We just heard a terrible noise coming out of the far northwest of Middle-Earth. It was the same sound the Orcs make when I torture them, but a million times worse. It was clearly of supernatural origin, as we could hearContinue reading “#40: What the Heck Was That Noise?”
