Date: Before the Sun and MoonMy Mood Is: incredulous Well, I found the Valar. No, they didn’t flee Arda — we should be so lucky. They just went into hiding. What a bunch of sniveling cowards. As I said, I searched all over Middle Earth and found no trace of the treasonous bastards. But then I rememberedContinue reading “#29: Trees? Glowing Trees? Really? That’s The Best You Could Do?”
Category Archives: Uncategorized
#28: Where Have All The Asshats Gone?
Date: Before the Sun and MoonMy Mood Is: puzzled This is really weird, I don’t know what to do with it. As I said last time, we absolutely pounded the Valar and their minions in the Second War. If not for the tumult of the Destruction of the Pillars scattering our forces, our victory would be complete,Continue reading “#28: Where Have All The Asshats Gone?”
#27: We Won! Suck it, Valar! You Lose!
Date: Before the Sun and MoonMy Mood Is: ecstatic We won the Second War! Okay, maybe not a total and complete victory — Manwë and his filthy Valar slaves still live. But their forces are completely routed, and we have destroyed everything they accomplished! It’s party time! The Valar finally figured out we had returned to ArdaContinue reading “#27: We Won! Suck it, Valar! You Lose!”
#26: I Don’t Like Ale, Not at All
Date: Before the Sun and MoonMy Mood Is: hung over Ugh. My head is pounding, my mouth tastes like crap, and my whole body aches. If this is what happens after a night of getting drunk, I’m never doing it again. Here’s what happened. We’ve already begun our final assault on the Valar, and those boneheads areContinue reading “#26: I Don’t Like Ale, Not at All”
#25: We’re Baaaaaack!
Date: Before the Sun and MoonMy Mood Is: sneaky A lot’s going on. First of all, we’re all back safe and warm in Arda, thankfully. (Thanks to the efforts of myself and Melkor — not thanks to Eru, that douche.) I was right — Melkor was waiting for the Tulkas situation to resolve itself, at least temporarily. Now IContinue reading “#25: We’re Baaaaaack!”
#24: Ow, The Light! My Eyes!
Date: Before the Sun and MoonMy Mood Is: frostbitten Ow! Crap! I can barely see to type! I hate the freaking Valar SO MUCH! We’re still in the Outer Dark — that’s on the FAR SIDE of the sky, in case you didn’t know — and I’m freezing my ass off. I’m still in the form ofContinue reading “#24: Ow, The Light! My Eyes!”
#23: Why We Didn’t Win The War
Date: Before the Sun and MoonMy Mood Is: resolute Well, the First War is over. That’s what we’re calling it because it won’t be the last, let me assure you. We didn’t lose. We just didn’t win. It was pretty much a draw, except they lost more guys than we did. Still, like I said last timeContinue reading “#23: Why We Didn’t Win The War”
#22: War — Not As Much Fun As It Sounded
Date: Before the Sun and MoonMy Mood Is: exhausted I was going to wait until the end of the battle to blog again. But this damned fight has been going on for so long, I’m not sure it well ever end. How long have we been fighting the Valar? Who knows? No one has yet invented aContinue reading “#22: War — Not As Much Fun As It Sounded”
#21: We Gird For War!
Date: Before the Sun and MoonMy Mood Is: fierce It is the eve of battle. This is pretty major — there’s never been violence in the universe before. Good thing all the spirits of Chaos, Misery, Pain and Death are on our side. The first thing we had to do was choose material forms. It would be pretty hardContinue reading “#21: We Gird For War!”
#20: The Valar Are A Bunch Of Meat Monkeys
Date: Before the Sun and MoonMy Mood Is: amused To summarize: Melkor and I got in trouble for making better music than Eru, the so-called “One.” (I have “one” asshole, that doesn’t make it special.) So Eru created a world out of our song, and let us go down to live in it. But HeContinue reading “#20: The Valar Are A Bunch Of Meat Monkeys”
